7th March, 1982
Dear Friends,
I am a terminal patient, but because of the nature of my illness, I am a terminal patient without a place to die. Years ago I became aware of my desire to die with an open heart and a clear mind. I have learned of your existence just when my need to die consciously is most desperate.
The illness I have is a new illness and in large part unrecognized. I am a total allergic, unable to eat most foods or breathe the air of most environments. Without a place to go, and ecological victim such as I, can only die hideously.
All avenues of help have been exhausted. No medical, governmental, social or religious agencies can deal with this – not on a physical plane, and certainly not on other. Because the medical profession has no answer, and friends and family are like most people in that they are not equipped to help, my only hope for safe foods and protection from environmental hazards lies with those individuals who believe in conscious dying.
I have asked you for a terminal midwife, but as you now realize I need a place where I can breathe and eat in relative safety while we work together.
After a long and fruitless search, I know now how difficult it is for anyone to comprehend that there is literally no where to go — either to live or to die. There has been a dreadful failure of imagination even amongst my most intelligent and compassionate friends. As you know I am an anthropologist and for many years a practicing Buddhist and Yogi. There is no one in my very wide circle willing or able to help at this stage.
Yes there are a growing number of ecological victims — it has been called the 20th Century illness — and some of them are facing the threat of deterioration in hospitals which not only offer no help but which, because of indifference to environmental control, only intensify their physical and mental agony.
My own fate would be a charity ward because I shall soon run out of money. My nasal passages would probably be surgically desensitized. Or it is possible that the pain and agitation caused by the hospital smells would be answered with the chemical violence of drugs and, judging by the treatment of other severe allergies, possibly with electric shock as well. And that is how I might spend my last days.
This is my tragic story; it is also an indictment of our society. Can you help right this terrible wrong? Can people who believe as I do in conscious dying please help in this catastrophic illness where no one else has the means or sensibility?
Time is short. Suffering is great. I write from a temporary refuge which is not my own residence. In the next weeks there will be no choices that are not horrific.
With my deep gratitude to all of you for the immense efforts you are making to help me. May we succeed not only for my sake but for the sake of other sufferers.
Sincerely,
JW
