Lessons From the Dying

Rodney Smith

Wisdom Publications,
Boston 1998 ISBN 0861711408
215pp, softcover

This is one of the best books on death and dying that I have had the chance to read since Stephen Levine’s, Who Dies?, and in a way it continues in the same tradition. The author was a Buddhist monk  and for 8 years lived in intensive retreat in the US and Asia. After disrobing as a monk in 1983 he came back to the states where he has been working in hospice for the past 15 years as a social worker, volunteer trainer, bereavement coordinator, program director and executive director. As he says, “Each position has given me a distinct perspective on the dying process. Learning has come not only from the patients and families, but also from the hospice staff, whose caring and compassionate hearts have set a standard for the health care field. All of us who work with the dying are like little children who have gathered together for solace as we attempt to decipher the code of life.”
The hypothesis of this remarkable book is that our death is here and won’t go away. An enormous amount of growth occurs when we learn from death without making something tragic of it. Every contact with it has the potential to deepen our understanding by awakening mystery, intuition and joy. This doesn’t mean that we will ever be comfortable with our own deaths, but that we may live more fully.
Smith describes each of the different chapters as “discussing one of the many lessons that dying has to communicate.” There are 14 chapters with titles such as; seeing things as they are, acknowledging the shadow, listening from the heart, understanding grief, risking our lives, delighting in the mystery. The author puts real emphasis on the need to practice the exercises which are given at the end of each chapter, for “it is insight which will change your actions and be of benefit to your life. Reading a chapter without putting it into practice may open you to the topic of death, but it will not effect long term change. Reading allows you to mull over the words and entertain new ideas; practicing these ideas changes the way you perceive the world and opens you beyond your fears.”
Practice is not easy and you must be gentle with yourself. Approach the material in the spirit of inquiry. Each chapter stands alone and can be returned to and worked with time and time again.         This book  is full of gems, with quotes and paragraphs to memorize on almost every page. I would like to close with one of my favorites, given in a section where religious beliefs and spirituality are being discussed. It almost stands as a summation of the theme of this wonderful book: “The question is not whether there is an afterlife, but what is our relation to the unknown?”