ADEC Association for Death Education and Counseling Conference

Alan Wolfelt – “Companioning” Versus Treating: Beyond the Medical Model of Bereavement Caregiving
In delivering the keynote address Alan Wolfelt advocated that grief counselors move from a strict medical model of care to a broader, more hope filled approach. He claimed that our current models need a “supplement of the soul,” alignment with a more spiritual, growth oriented attitude. Our terminology shows that we expect grief to be “treated” and “recovered from” and lacks any appreciation of the spiritual nature of the journey. The psychiatric “problems” of the bereavement process are precisely the natural processes of one who is traveling in the wilderness and should be understood as part of a growth process and then accompanied.

” The grief journey requires contemplation and turning inward. Quietness and emptiness invite the heart to observe signs of sacredness, to regain purpose, to rediscover love, to renew life!”

Dr. Wolfeldt’s message is profound. It comes at a time when two opposing trends are happening in end of life care – managed care/costcutting, and growing spirituality. We must be willing to work together as “Responsible Rebels.” Indeed this is a revolutionary approach, but one which will help us all. For what could be more important than simple undemanding presence at the side of one who is dying or grieving? We need to return to the basic human values which exist independent of time and money. In Dr. Wolfelt’s words, “Companioning is about being still; it is not about frantic movement forward.” To learn more of Alan Wolfelt’s work contact the Center for Loss and Transition

Online Grief Support – Friends Without Faces
Unfortunately our title is not exactly correct. It should be Friends without HUMAN Faces, because some of the most viable chat media, (Palace, Godd) have characters, faces, heads, avatars and who-knows-what as representative of the person behind the keyboard. But at the ADEC conference and as part of our coverage of some other chat rooms, the primary chat format referred to is line dialogue.

The online format is vital in remote areas. Its inherent convenience gives it a step up on the conventional format, but it also enjoys the benefits of the increased attention and absolute equality of the participants. It may be difficult for some to access the internet, but programs like Seniornet are bringing the web to seniors by providing training and access at centers across the country. These programs are booming and bode well for the future of online group work.

The AARP has a very successful chatroom which meets weekly. It was started in a pilot project in November of 1996, and was successful from the start. The initial concerns of the facilitators, Joan Gibala and Anne Studner, were that seniors would not be comfortable with computer technology, and that people would come and go making it difficult to form a coherent group. Both fears have proved groundless. In answer to the first point they have found that people learn quickly, internet skills rapidly improve, and chat members are more than willing to help “newbies” to get acquainted with the chat technology.

Secondly, a core group did evolve There is a certain amount of coming and going but it doesn’t disturb the group as there is a politeness and protocol of transition which gradually manifests in most every chat.

The facilitators welcome new members with “instant messages” and provide an email newsletter as follow up to newcomers and to those who request it. They maintain a safe space (they’ve had only one instance where someone seemed to be disruptive) and help people link to one another. They, like “real life” facilitators maintain an attitude of presence and equanimity. The group does everything else including deciding on the topic for the next week. Joan and Anne have been amazed at the coherence of the group and the lack of intervention needed. They foresee the growing importance of the online format as society becomes more computer literate.