Writing for Your Life
The next two workshops were presented at Allied Services in Clarks Summit and at the Tiffany Court at New Season’s – Personal Care Facility in Kingston (near Wilkes Barre). Both owed much to the organizational efforts of Susan Plucknett, and Timmie Ott of Aseracare Hospice. Social workers, activity therapists, nurses, nursing home administrators, pastoral workers, care givers and volunteers were in attendance. Though the workshops were of the same outline, there were some differences and they will be combined and summarized as best possible.
After introductions and a preliminary warm-up stretch the workshops started with presentations by Patricia Elizabeth who has done extensive work in the field of death and dying, facilitated many workshops and is author of the forthcoming book, Beyond Grief – Preparation for Dying. Patricia first asked participants to move to tables with others who they did not know thus giving them an opportunity to put themselves in the position of a client or patient who must come to another for help but does not know that person at all.
Patricia asked participants to imagine a time when they or another had observed the sacred; either the presence of a sacred space, a sacred being or a sacred moment. She asked participants to let those moments resonate with them for a moment.
Then she asked everyone to formulate a question that was of importance to them in regard to this type of storytelling work, a question that they hoped would be resolved during the workshop. “Allow the experience of the day to provide answers to the question or area of difficulty.” She asked participants to hold that question with them through out the day.
Telling, Writing and Scribing
Each member of the group was then asked to write what they hoped to accomplish in this workshop and also their professional or personal background in this area. They were asked to notice the difficulty or differences associated with actually writing your question or background and to notice the difference between writing, telling and mentally formulating.
The group members were then asked to introduce themselves to the entire class by giving their name, where they live and the type of work that they do. This is the normal mode of introduction in today’s society and, in this fast paced society, what defines us – so it provided a natural starting point for eliciting ones story. To go deeper in to the process, Iven Lourie took the podium.
Iven, who is an editor, publisher and poet led the group in a few writing exercises, the first to simply “list what you did from the moment that you woke up until you got to the workshop this morning.” After this we were instructed to take a section of that list and elaborate on it…writing how we felt or about some special aspect of the experience – to add some narrative. The participants then shared these stories with their groups. Iven gave narrative examples from Studs Terkel, Shakespeare and Japanese Haiku. Each person was then called upon to call up a memory and tell it to another. Finally, they were instructed to write this memory down.
Patricia returned to the podium to expand on the idea of attentive listening while keeping the question in mind of how this could be relevant to working with clients. Participants paired up and were asked to conduct an interview using as few questions as possible to get their “client” into storytelling mode. Roles were reversed and then the listener took on the duty of being a scribe, which was to conduct an interview and write the answers down but at the same time keep the attention focused on the teller. The goal was to be able to recount the entire story as it had been told, but not interrupt the flow of the story with the writing.
Spirituality, Storytelling and the Personal Narrative
Next it was Heather Elkin’s turn at the helm and she started by defining what her task was going to be for the group. Several definitions came up in this process, including that of tradizio, the root of tradition which literally means “handing on.” She pointed out to the participants “that you cared enough to listen is a sign of your calling.” Listening is great work and it has been said that “God is an ear,” for great healing can happen just through the act of listening. In fact listening to someones story and then writing it down creates an artifact. Breath or spirit goes to hand which then creates artifact. “Receive what they say and return it back to them in some form that will be a blessing.”
Heather described some instances of where narrative story telling combined with a small ritual helped to make major life changes, such as an elderly lady giving up her car keys possible. Her entire family gathered at her house one weekend and exchanged stories of places she had driven them, stories and memories and then gave her actual vouchers, promissory notes, for times when they would drive her certain places for the next several months. They put a hook on the wall so that her keys would be there, but she had to agree not to use them. The entire process made it possible for this independent woman to hang up her keys, which she did by herself at the end of the weekend. Small things…listening, sharing, and the small ritual which sealed the commitment, made it possible.
Other ideas that Heather touched upon were:
“Who we are” is generally defined in today’s world as “what we do.” Time equates with money and this means that non-productive time and those who aren’t producing are useless. With the elderly we have to see through this to their “being.” Our being is who we really are and that is timeless.
The time of dying is a sacred time. In former times those who were dying were looked to for spiritual counsel because they can see through the veil and, looking back at those around them, can give spiritual advice. John Wesley, the founder of Methodism was counseled in this way. The word gossip is derived from ‘god-sip’. This was the talk that passed between midwives andmothers at the sewing circles in olden times. The mothers sewed their baby’s blanket and their own shroud at the same time. The times around birth and passing are similar and spiritual counsel is important. As caregivers we should be very competent at this.
At the time of death, when the brain and all of the senses are shutting down, a song might be the last thing remembered. Everyone should have a song that they want to have sung at their death bed…it may be one that was learned in early childhood, because song, music and lyric combined, is stored and accessed differently than verbal memory.
By no means is every death a good death. As caregivers we have to be aware of this and in touch with some part of ourselves which can deal with it, transform it and still allow us to keep our sense of humor.
A Caregivers Story
After lunch Billie Jo Shemanski shared her very moving story of caring for her mother-in-law through an extended illness…this after several very difficult years of a personal illness, family illnesses and even several deaths.
Susan Plucknett, a social worker for AseraCare, encouraged Billie Jo to write and share her story and the group was able to see how this process had helped Billie Jo to deal with very difficult times. The story was well organized and presented and had allowed her to reflect and organize events of the past years, a process which has been helpful for her and her family.
Interactive Exercises
The final part of the program was devoted to giving participants personal experience in a more clinical framework. The institutional setting for end of life care presupposes trust, familiarity and intimacy between strangers. So a practical goal for any staff member doing this type of work is to “enhance a sense of home.” Simple presence with acknowledgment was given as an exercise with one participant acting in different roles (shy, silent, dementia, forgetful) as storyteller and the other trying to simply record the story or memories of the other. The ‘really bad hair day” exercise simulated a time when the staff member was having a really really bad/hurried/pressed day and yet needed to give attention to the story. Another exercise was sitting in simple presence with one who is non verbal, for getting in contact with the some part of the client that is still very much present. It was an exercise that demanded heightened attention and yet a relaxed and patient attitude on the part of the practicioner.
